You might have started to notice that your loved one needs a little more support. That support can take many forms, from you checking in more often to arranging help at home or even considering an assisted living community.
It’s not always easy to recognise the signs, especially when you’re juggling a busy life — work, caring for your own family, and managing day-to-day responsibilities. The festive season often brings a moment to pause and reflect, and during this time, you may realise that your loved one’s physical health, mobility, mental well-being, or independence has begun to decline, and that some extra care or support might now be needed.
In this article, we’re going to take a closer look at the signs to look out for and the next steps.
1. Memory Issues & Confusion
As our loved ones age and the years go by, it’s natural for things like energy levels to drop a little. The problem is that when things move beyond simply tiring a little easier and manifest themselves as memory issues and a semi-permanent or permanent sense of confusion, your loved one may need help. The confusion could be a sign that there is something more serious that they are experiencing, such as dementia. However, it is important not to jump to conclusions, as there are a number of reasons why your loved one is becoming increasingly confused.
Common signs that all may not be well are forgetting the names and dates of loved ones, repeating the same stories without realising, and misplacing everyday items. This is not to be confused with an occasional slip of the tongue or a couple of misplaced gifts in a busy house.
Another thing to look for is if your relative appears confused when they are in a new environment. If you sense that they are not themselves simply because they are visiting another home or are staying in a hotel for the festivities, careful thought may be needed.
2. Trouble With Complex Tasks
We all have things that we are good at and others that we struggle with a little, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What we’re really talking about here, however, are complex tasks that someone you love used to be able to do with ease, but that they now struggle with. We’re also focusing on a chain of simple tasks that form a bigger task, such as getting dressed, preparing dinner, or getting ready to leave the house.
If you notice that your relative is struggling to cook an easy meal, for example, when it used to be something they would sail through, it could be a sign that a gentle conversation is needed. It may be that there are other things they are struggling with that they haven’t noticed themselves.
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3. Missing Words & Times
We all have to stop and think of the right choice of words from time to time, but if it becomes a chronic issue, you may need to consider getting your loved one some help. If they are constantly dropping words from sentences or appear to be struggling to remember simple times and dates, it may be a sign that they are quite confused on the inside.
In cases where someone is confused and unable to process information like they used to, they will often be unaware that there is a problem. For this reason, a closer but kind and sensitive look by several members of the family may help you understand the true extent of the situation.
4. Lack Of Self-Care
Not having enough food in, unexplained weight loss, a lack of regular meal preparation, and a neglected home environment where chores are piling up are all warning signs. That said, it’s important to be respectful in their home and to know the difference between someone who has generally been a little messy for many years and someone who really does seem to be struggling.
5. Struggling With Life Admin
Missing appointments on a regular basis and forgetting to pick up prescriptions are signs that all may not be well. The same is true if you notice a pile of unpaid bills and reminder letters. Another telling sign is when you stop receiving birthday cards from a loved one, which may indicate that they are finding it difficult to keep up with the tasks and organisation required to send them.
These types of issues tend to be highly personal and very sensitive, which means a soft and compassionate approach is always recommended. You may find at first that your relative initially refuses to accept that anything is wrong, as they can feel embarrassed or ashamed.
6. Irritability & Mood Swings
If you notice that your loved one has a noticeably different personality, they cope with stress in a different way, or their mood is much more volatile, they may need help. Alternatively, you may notice that someone who was once social and outgoing is now much more likely to be quiet in group situations, or to try and avoid them entirely. It may help to find ways to talk to them one-to-one where they feel like you are there to help, rather than there to critique and judge.
What Should You Do?
When you notice that something has changed or isn’t right, it’s natural to want to know how to change things for the better as soon as possible. The problem is that everyone is unique and will react differently. Particularly if they are showing signs that they are losing capacity in some way, their temperament might have altered, meaning that their reaction may be different to what you are used to.
You know your loved one best, but you may find it helps to take stock of the following approaches to see how you can adapt them to your situation:
- Accompany them to the GP: In many cases, the issues you have noticed are symptoms of a more complex underlying problem. Gently and positively suggesting that you take a trip to the GP together can help you shed light on what may be going on
- Do a little background reading: It’s tempting to rush into action, but unless your loved one is in immediate danger, a period of reflection will prove very insightful. There are plenty of online resources on mental well-being published by the NHS that may help
- Offer to provide practical help: If you live nearby, you could offer to clean the house and run errands. If you live further away, offering to pay for a cleaner and to organise online deliveries may help. Doing so in a way that makes your relative feel cared for, rather than ordered about, will make them more open to the idea of extra help
- Avoid group interventions: While there may be more serious issues that require all of the family to be present, there is a lot to be said for starting with a softer, more personal approach
- Talking to Citizens Advice will help you to understand what help may be available in your local area
It’s Understandable To Feel Emotional
Watching a loved one’s health or well-being decline can be incredibly painful and emotionally draining. These feelings can become even more intense if they react negatively when you suggest they need help. Remember, while this situation is difficult for your loved one, it can be just as emotional for you as the one delivering the message. Take time to find a moment that feels right for both of you to have this conversation. Even if you spot the signs over the festive period, unless you think your loved one is in urgent need of assistance, you can take the time to come to terms with this change yourself first.
No matter which approach you take, following your instincts and being kind and compassionate is always the best way. Most importantly, be prepared for your relative not to want to cooperate at first. This is only natural, and some gentle advice and guidance can help turn them around.
