In a move that has left the self-storage industry lost for words, UK storage company “LunaVault Storage” has today announced the grand opening of the world’s first off-world self-storage facility, located in the Mare Tranquillitatis region of the Moon. The company claims the site offers “the most secure, most remote, and most climate-stable storage solution ever made available to the British public.”
The facility, housed in what the company describes as “proprietary modular pressure units,” offers a range of storage bays across two fully pressurised wings, with a third wing pending planning approval from an authority the company says it is “currently in the process of identifying.”
CEO Marcus Albright explains: “We kept hearing from customers that they wanted somewhere truly off-site. Somewhere an ex-partner couldn’t turn up at. Somewhere, a family member couldn’t call on a Sunday and ask if they’d ‘got round to sorting that unit yet.’ Frankly, the Moon felt like the only logical answer.”
The facility boasts a number of features the company says make it uniquely suited to long-term storage. With a consistent temperature of -173°C in unlit areas, zero humidity, and what Albright describes as “the most comprehensive pest prevention record in the industry,” LunaVault is positioning itself at the premium end of the market.
Customers wishing to access their belongings can do so via a scheduled quarterly rocket, departing from a location in the Scottish Highlands that the company says will be confirmed “in due course.” For those who prefer not to make the trip personally, a retrieval service is available, with an estimated turnaround of three to nine days depending on orbital positioning. A surcharge applies during full moon.
“We’ve already seen strong interest from collectors of vintage wine, antiques, and rare vinyl,” said Albright. “The absence of light, heat, and atmospheric interference creates preservation conditions that would cost a fortune to replicate on Earth. And the security is second to none. Nobody is breaking into a storage unit on the Moon.”
Environmental concerns have been addressed with what the company calls a “zero-footprint installation,” which it says will have no measurable impact on the lunar surface. Space scientists remain cautious, with Dr. Helen Marsden from the University of Leicester noting: “The storage conditions are, in principle, excellent. My concerns are more practical. Specifically, the retrieval model, the quarterly rocket, the planning permission question, and also the fundamental logistics of getting a chest of drawers to the Moon. I’ve asked for the full operational brief. They sent me a one-pager.”
A premium “Dark Side” tier is also available for customers who feel that standard lunar storage is still not quite remote enough, offering units on the far side of the Moon with no direct line of sight to Earth. Pricing for this tier is available on request.
The company has announced a special introductory offer for customers signing up today — one complimentary retrieval trip, subject to orbital availability, and a free spacesuit fitting at its Glasgow showroom.
Stuart Bensusan, Director of Surewise, comments: “This really is one small step for storage, and one giant leap for our underwriting team. We are pleased to confirm that we will be extending cover to LunaVault customers — fire, theft and flood remain covered as standard, and we have added a new clause for ‘acts of lunar origin’ that we’re still working through legally.
We have also hired a full-time astrophysicist to ensure that items left charging remain identifiable regardless of the gravitational field. Peace of mind, wherever you store.”
If you have made it this far, it is now after 12 pm on the 1st of April, and we have to come clean…
This was an April Fools’ Day joke, and LunaVault does not exist. We are not able to insure you for storing your belongings on the Moon, and there is currently no quarterly rocket service from the Scottish Highlands.
